Happy Birthday, Fujiko Kuwabara!
by Jam.MastahXJay
Summary: To Fujiko Kuwabara and her special, coming-of-age day! Hope ya'll like it! ;P JJ wasn't really 'prepared' for Fujicakes day. But the whole YYH Gang was all ready! Randomness and OOC-ness ahead! -Rated M for alcoholix in this fic O.o-


Dedicated to fun-loving, great author Fujiko Kuwabara. Happy Birthday! :D

...

And late V-Day to all. And to all who hate V-Day...

I concur. I don't like it at all. ¬¬º (BTW, I couldn't upload this fanfic on the site earlier today, I was visiting Mi-mama in the hospital all day, otherwise it'd've been on here in the afternoon :3)

* * *

JJ sat on her bed, typing away on her laptop, looking bored.

"There's always _nada _to do in this damn house, especially without Mi-mama..." she muttered. The sound of the keyboard clicking filled the silent room until she yawned, stretching. "Ohh, I should probably take a catnap." JJ closed her laptop and put on the messy bedroom floor. She then sprawled out on her bed and fell asleep...

"OMG!! JJ, SHE'S HERE!!" Kuwabara's voice bellowed from a different room. JJ's eyes popped open and she shrieked, falling off the bed. She landed on the floor, right on her face. She grumbled profanities as she slowly stood up.

"KUWABARA, SHUT THE HELL UP!!" JJ yelled back in response. A bang and a crash was heard. JJ sweat dropped. "Aw crap, that lovable bastard hit his head on the ceiling again... Wait a minute, who's here?" She stood up, brushed off her shirt and arms, and walked out of her bedroom door. She bumped into Hiei.

"Ow!" Hiei said, hitting the wall with his back. JJ shook her head.

"Move bitch!" she bellowed in a deep voice, pushing Hiei away. He hit the wall again as he glared at her.

"Bitch..."

"What was that, Fatty?" Hiei's eye twitched as she walked past him. She walked into her living room, where a painful looking Kuwabara was, sitting on the floor, holding his head. He saw her and groaned.

"Don't ask. I hit-"

"-The ceiling with your head? Yeah, I figured that out awhile ago, Dummie." JJ sat on the couch as Kuwabara struggled to stand. "Yo, who's here?" she asked, folding her arms. Kuwabara immediately stood up straight and got big, crimson hearts in his eyes.

"Fujiko Kuwabara," he purred. JJ sweat dropped.

"No offense, but don't purr. You sound like my friend's dying, shitty, old, fuckin' cat," she said flatly. Then, the words he had just 'purred' sunk in. "Whoa, who's here?!" JJ asked eagerly, tackling a wounded Kuwabara.

"OW!" he yelped. JJ grabbed his thoat and began banging his head against the floor board.

"Yo, who's here?" she said in a deadly, slowly voice. Kuwabara's face turned a blue color.

"OW!! Fuji-Ow!-Ko-Ow!-Kuwa-OW!-Bara!" the bulky cosplayer said in between his 'head-banging'. JJ let him go and squealed.

"YAY! Where is she?" she asked, jumping off the man. He pointed out the door. Her brow furrowed. "You didn't let 'er in? Asshole..." She walked over to the door and opened it.

"YO!!" Yusuke yelled, barging into the house. JJ kicked his knee when she saw one of her favorite authors. "YOU BITCH!!" Yusuke squeaked out as he held his knee.

"Oh, suck it up. What's up, Fujiko!?" JJ asked happily, ignoring Yusuke's whimpering. Fujiko stepped into the messy house. JJ looked around her living room. "... It's messy. Ignore it." She nodded slowly, looking around.

"Your house... Is different than I imagined," she said. JJ shrugged.

"It'd be more different if we were still LIVING IN RED LAKE!!" Kuwabara and Fujiko held their ears when JJ shouted out her last part. A bang on the left wall was heard.

"JJ, SHUT UP!! I'M TRYIN' TO SLEEP!!" a girl's voice yelled angrily. JJ placed her hands on her hips.

"Well!" She ran up to the wall and kicked it hard. Her foot punched a hole in the wall. Everyone in the room had their eyes widened like saucers. JJ blinked, then slowly took out her foot from the huge hole in the wall.

"Umm... A-are you OK?" Fujiko asked quietly, staring at the hole. JJ nodded as her foot touched the floor. She ran next to Fujiko and her head swiveled towards Kuwabara.

"Kuwabara, how could you?! I mean, really!" Kuwabara looked bewildered as Fujiko stifled a giggle.

"I didn't do anythin'!" Kuwabara countered.

"Mama is _so _gonna kick your ass!"

"No way! I'm _not _taking the blame!"

"Yes, you are, because _you _did it!" Hiei slipped into the room and sweat dropped at the sight. He glanced at Fujiko, who looked distant.

"Umm... Are they fighting?" She nodded. "That explains it... Hey, JJ, you know it's your... acquaintence's birthday today, and that Yukina made reservations at some bar, right?" JJ stopped arguing with Kuwabara and stared at Hiei.

"... Huh?" Everyone in the room did an anime fall.

"Dumbass..." Yukina walked in, staring curiously at the group. Her eyes traveled to Fujiko and she grinned.

"Hi Fujiko!" she greeted happily. Fujiko stood up and grinned back.

"Hi Yukina!" the woman greeted just as cheerfully. JJ stared at the two, then she looked at Hiei again.

"Wait a sec, Hiei. What did you say about Miss Fujiko again?" Hiei scoffed. JJ cracked her knuckles. "This'll be much easier if you answer me..." He rolled his eyes.

"I said Fujiko's birthday is today and Yukina made reservations-"

"_How'd _you know it was her birthday today?" JJ interrupted. Hiei blinked, then backed away slowly.

"... Umm... I DIDN'T READ YOUR E-MAILS!!" He ran out the room. JJ scowled, then she turned her attention at her friends.

"Oh yeah, it's your birthday today!" she pointed out. Kuwabara, Yusuke (who was still holding his knee), and Yukina sweat dropped. Fujiko laughed lightly.

"Yes... Yes, it is."

"Happy Birthday!" JJ shrieked in delight. Fujiko blushed slightly as Yukina looked at the two.

"And I made reservations at the Starfish Bar & Grill for her birthday party!" Yukina piped up. "Jin, Botan, Keiko, and the other, minus us, are already there! We should get going!" JJ and Fujiko were about to protest when they were forcibly dragged out of the trailer house, with Hiei, who was glaring at JJ, in tow.

"Hn. I don't see why I should be goin'..." Fujiko, who was on her back on the dirt floor with her head upside-down, glared at him, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.

"Don't be so sour, Hiei!" JJ, who was next to Fujiko, only she was lying on her stomach, held up her right hand in agreement.

"I concur." Hiei snapped his eyes at the thirteen year old.

"How the hell did _you _get in this conversation?" he asked, vemon dripping off his words. JJ didn't seem fazed.

"I just waltzed right in. How the hell do you _think _I got into this conversation?" Fujiko shook her head as the two began to exchange violent words.

"You two, don't start arguing," Fujiko asked, like she had heard this conversation all the time. They ignored her. "Guys?" Ignored. "Guuys?" Ignored. Fujiko's eye twitched. "GUYS!!" Hiei and JJ jumped.

"... Yes?" Hiei asked flatly. JJ smacked his head.

"Shuddup. She said we shouldn't argue."

"And obviously, it's going unheeded," Fujiko spoke up. JJ and Hiei blinked.

"Um, 'unheeded'?" JJ asked her enemy-friend... person.

"Unheard, not going through," Hiei said boredly. JJ stuck her tongue out at him. All of a sudden, Yukina and Kuwabara threw the two girls into a huge van with the words 'PINEAPPLE EXPRESS' written on the side. JJ and Fujiko sweat dropped at the movie title. Hiei silently sat next to the two worn-out girls.

"Hn. Don't bother me." JJ shrugged as she fell on the van floor.

"Won't make any promises." Hiei cringed.

"I was talking to your friend, you idiot." Fujiko and JJ's head snapped up.

"What?!"

"No, not now, you guys!" Kuwabara complained.

"I agree," Fujiko said, crossing her arms. "Especially in this secluded are-"

"YAAAAAAAAHH!!" Hiei and JJ both met each other in a tackle, shaking the whole van as they began to fight each other. Fujiko, Kuwabara, and Yusuke smacked their foreheads.

_"Oh, geez..." _they all thought.

:Twenty minutes later:

"Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. We're here, JJ," Fujiko pestered, poking JJ's left cheek. JJ, after beating the crap out of Hiei, who was asleep on top of the poor girl, fell asleep again. She looked up groggily and bared her teeth weakly.

"H-huh?"

"We're at the bar." JJ rolled over.

"Good. Happy Birfdaaaaay..." Kuwabara sighed and shook JJ up, Fujiko patted his head.

"What's up, Toaster Strudel? We never talk anymore." Hiei looked up, one crimson eye opened.

"Tryin' to sleep," he muttered. Yukina looked back at her brother.

"On top of JJ? You dog." Hiei and JJ's eyes popped open at this. They both, slowly, exchanged glances before JJ kicked his chest hard, knocking the wind out of him.

"NO WONDER WHY I COULDN'T BREATHE!! THE FAT FUCK WAS ON ME!!" Fujiko grabbed JJ and dragged her out of the van. Outside was a small, humble building with a ratty sign that read 'Starfish Bar & Grill' in light red letters.

"Whoo, I can't believe we're here!" Fujiko said cheerfully. JJ, now full awake, scoffed.

"Yeah, we're at the one place I got kicked out of for being too 'rowdy'..." she grumbled as she was let down on the floor. Inside the bar, there was a mini-stage with a single microphone and a little stereo on it. There was a bar (of course), and all the YYH members.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FUJIKO KUWABARA!!" they all screamed. Jin, Chu, and Atsuko didn't say this, however. They were in their own drinking contest. Atsuko was winning.

"Hi guys!" Fujiko waved, walking inside. JJ took out a New York hat from her Nike bag that came out of nowhere and put it on, hiding her hair. She walked slowly into the bar and sat at an open table. Fujiko and the others began chating endlessly, having the time of their lives. A waiter came up to JJ.

"Anythin' ya want?" he asked gruffly. JJ shook her head.

"I don't drink."

"OK. Party-pooper..." He walked away, lookiong smug. JJ felt like punching him when Botan walked up to her, beer mug in hand.

"Heeeeeeey! Wassssssup, JJ? Hahah!" JJ's eyes widened slightly as Fujiko, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama sat next to her.

"Yo!" Fujiko flagged down the same rude waiter that tried waiting on JJ earlier. He walked up to the table.

"Anythin' ya guys want?" he asked in a more icy tone. Hiei and JJ glared at him.

"I'll have vodka!" Yusuke shouted, smacking the table with a twenty dollar bill in hand.

"I want maga_rrrrrrrr_ita!" Kurama hollered, rolling his tongue on the 'r' in a (supposed) sexy way.

"I want anything!" Kuwabara yelled. The waiter didn't look fazed.

"I want Bicardi Razz," Hiei said calmly, closing his eyes. "Bastard..." The waiter shot him a glare. JJ and Yusuke glanced, both looking amused.

"Yo, Mister Waiter Man," JJ said quietly. He bent his head down. Yusuke was snickering as JJ whispered something to the waiter.

"OK. It's extra."

"He's payin'," JJ said, pointing at Yusuke. Yusuke was about to protest when the Birthday Girl spoke up.

"None for me, just some water for now," Fujiko said politely. The waiter nodded.

"BEER!!" Botan yelled before collapsing. The waiter then left the table, behind the bar counter, and disappeared completely. JJ eyed Hiei.

"Yo Fatboy," JJ said flatly, "you like Bicardi Razz? That's somethin' new..." Hiei opened one eye.

"Hn. You know people who know the alcoholic drink?"

"Yeah, my sister Shannon. Anyway, Fujiko," JJ said, turning her attention to her friend, "how old are you?" Fujiko twiddled her thumbs.

"Actually, I'm-"

"YO!! Yo, yo, yoooo!" a drunken Jin yelled into the microphone. "Testicles, one, two. Testicles, one, two. 'Kay, it works!" he slurred. "N-now, who here, in this very bar'll sing a song for Lupin Kazuma!" Everyone but Jin, Atsuko, and Chu all did an anime fall.

"FUJIKO KUWABARA, YOU DRUNKEN ASS!" Yusuke screamed. Jin shrugged. The waiter came back to serve the group's drinks. Yusuke chugged his drink down in less than a minute. Kurama and Kuwabara did the same. Fujiko merely sipped on her water.

Hiei's eyes widened at his clear bottle of Bicardi Razz. It was nearly taller than his hair!

"Is this _mine?_" he asked, stunned. JJ and Yusuke exchanged glances as they stifled a laugh.

"Y-yeah," JJ said hoarsely. Fujiko looked at her.

"JJ? What's-" She was immediately cut off by Jin.

"Whahevah... Now, who'll sing!?" Hiei's eye twitched as he slowly sipped on his bottle. He stopped immediately, his eyes slowly widening. Fujiko and Kuwabara got up into his face.

"Hiei?" Fujiko asked quietly.

"Is he dead?" Kuwabara asked, tilting his head. Hiei pushed them both away as he chugged down the cold drink. Some of the alcohol dripped down his chin, which he wiped away and lapped it up on his hand.

"WHOO!!" he yelled, immediately relaxed. "Yo! Yo, Mis'er Irish Guy!" Hiei yelled, standing up. Fujiuko covered her mouth as her eyes widened like hubcaps.

"No..."

"Yeah!" Jin yelled. "Are ya'taker?!" Hiei nodded eagerly. He was about to run up when Yusuke, who was red from trying to keep from laughing, gave him lyrics to a song.

"Fujiko'll _love _this," he said huskily. Hiei nodded, smiling like never-before. Fujiko grabbed JJ, looking deep into the young girl's eyes.

"JJ, what's Hiei gonna sing." JJ, who was biting the inside of her cheeks, burst out laughing. She punched the dirty table, laughing hard. Yusuke fell out of his chair, laughing his ass off. Hiei teleported to the stage, kicked Jin off, and looked at Rinku, who was holding onto the stereo.

"Hit it!" he yelled. Rinku nodded, put in a tape, and a song started playing. An intro came out to two girls sounding weird.

_Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.  
It is so big_.

Fujiko's eyes widened at the familiar music.

"Oh. My. Gosh." JJ and Yusuke weren't trying to contain their laughter anymore. They were laughing too hard to care anymore.

_*scoff* She looks like,  
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.  
But, you know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff*  
They only talk to her, because,  
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?_

An instrumental to the song came on as the girls began gossiping. Hiei was looking towards the ground, with JJ's hat, which he swiped easily, in hand.

_I mean, her butt, is just so big.  
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,  
out there, I mean - gross. Look!  
She's just so ... black!_

He looked up to the audience and smiled widely. His hat was tilted to the side, with grillz inside his mouth. The letters 'H-I-E-I' were stamped in diamonds as a silver Cross chain fell to his chest. He wore these huge, black sunglasses as he pointed to Fujiko and began to rap like Sir Mix-Alot;

"I like big butts and I cannot lie!  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung!" He did an air-hump at the word 'sprung'. JJ screamed with laughter, as did everyone else but Fujiko. Her shocked expression seemed glued to her face.

"Wanna pull out your tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring," Hiei rapped. Everyone began clapping except JJ and Fujiko, who were too 'distracted' to clap.

"Thank ya, Fujicakes, for bein' wif me!" Hiei yelled before passing out. Sensui, who was in disguise as a waiter, stood up and cheered.

"I FUCKIN' LOVE THAT MAN!!" he screeched above the crowd. Everyone cheered.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FUJICAKES!!" everyone in the room yelled happily and drunkily (if that's a word. I might be hungover too! xD). Fujiko laughed nervously.

"Thank you, guys," she yelled over the noise. Hiei stood up, jumped towards Fujiko, and tackled her in a hug.

"Aww! You're old now!" he slurred. Fujiko got an angry vein on her head.

"Thanks Hiei. That means alot, from you... I think," she said thoughtfully, trying to contain the urge to hit him. Hiei turned his attention to JJ.

"And joo," he said, pulling the angered JJ into a tight hug, "are my favorite-est person in da tree worlds!" JJ grabbed his throat and tackled him. She banged his head against the cold, hard floor while Fujiko tried to pry the girl off the cosplayer.

"You bastard! Are you that drunk?!" JJ said angrily as his head began to bruise and bleed. Hiei hugged her waist, much to her displeasure. She kept choking and beating Hiei until Fujiko accidently slipped and fell on top of JJ. JJ and Hiei then bumped heads and kissed by mistake...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" JJ screamed at the top of her lungs, falling out of her bed. She looked around frantically, seeing her bedroom in place. She wasn't in a bar, she was in her room.

But to make sure, her left hand was placed on her stomach, her right hand on her left cheek. She stopped breathing for a minute before she let out a slow, long sigh of relief.

"It was all a dream... It was all a dream," JJ said softly. "IT WAS A DREAM, BITCHES!!" She began to laugh uncontrollabely as she stood up. "Hoo boy, I thought that was real for a sec-" Kuwabara's head poked into the room. JJ heard the door open and she turned.

"YO JJ!! FUJIKO KUWABARA IS HERE!!" Kuwabara squealed. JJ suddenly looked dead.

"NO!! NOT AGAIN!!" JJ jumped to her feet and ran out the closed window, her body frame making a huge, life-size gape on the glass as she began to run to Mexico. Kuwabara sweat dropped and walked in. He looked out the open window and his eyes widened. He opened his mouth wide as he shouted;

"JJ! Wait! Fujiko Kuwabara just wants to know how her birthday fic is coming along!"

End


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